Love, I'm Done with You By Ross Gay
You ever wake up with your footie PJs warming
your neck like a noose? Ever upchuck
after a home-cooked meal? Or notice
how the blood on the bottoms of your feet
just won’t seem to go away? Love, it used to be
you could retire your toothbrush for like two or three days and still
I’d push my downy face into your neck. Used to be
I hung on your every word. (Sing! you’d say: and I was a bird.
Freedom! you’d say: and I never really knew what that meant,
but liked the way it rang like a rusty bell.) Used to be. But now
I can tell you your breath stinks and you’re full of shit.
You have more lies about yourself than bodies
beneath your bed. Rooting
for the underdog. Team player. Hook,
line and sinker. Love, you helped design the brick
that built the walls around the castle
in the basement of which is a vault
inside of which is another vault
inside of which . . . you get my point. Your tongue
is made of honey but flicks like a snake’s. Voice
like a bird but everyone’s ears are bleeding.
From the inside your house shines
and shines, but from outside you can see
it’s built from bones. From out here it looks
like a graveyard, and the garden’s
all ash. And besides,
your breath stinks. We’re through.
This poem is about someone who figures out their worth and separates from their partner who is not good for them. At the beginning of the poem, the poet starts with three rhetorical questions to show how something comfortable and enjoyable, like footie pajamas and a home-cooked meal, can also be bothersome, nauseating, and even fatal. Although we take pleasure in these things, there is a reference to something that can’t be handled and won’t go away. The poet refers to their partner as “love”, showing emotional sentiment. The protagonist of the poem is the poet’s ex-partner, as the poet is speaking directly to them. The line about “retiring their toothbrush for a few days” hints to a moment where the partner left or was kicked out but was then welcomed back in with open arms, no matter how sad or upset they were during the break. The idiom used, “hung on every word”, shows that the poet would listen to their partner closely and carefully, following their commands. This is depicted in the line “Sing! you’d say: and I was a bird”. The following line talking about freedom shows the lack of freedom the poet had in the relationship when mentioning “I never really knew what that meant, but liked the way it rang like a rusty bell.” This metaphor is used to show that the poet was hiding their unhappiness while in the relationship and trying to show everything was fine. Ringing bells are symbols that represent joy and freedom but a rusty bell depicts the opposite, as they sound vaguely different. This represents how fresh and new their relationship was at the beginning and how it began to deteriorate with time.
The poet reiterates “used to be” to show that they no longer feel the same way they did in the past. From this point in the poem, the poet begins to show the reader how they have evolved and grown to realize that they don’t need to be in this toxic relationship. This is emphasized when the poet says “your breath stinks and you’re full of shit”. By this time, the poet has gotten the courage to tell her partner the truth about how they really feel. The reference to the vault hints to the fact that their partner has worked on putting up a façade to others in order to hide what is truly inside. The poet gives details indicating that the partner is a venomous liar when describing their tongue made of honey flicking like a snake and their voice is like a bird but making people’s ears bleed. The poet indicates during the last three lines that their partner inhibits a rightful mindset, believing that all they do is correct and their thoughts are above everyone else’s. The diction and repetition of “your breath stinks” shows that the poet is regaining their power and not staying quiet any longer. The poem ends with a feeling of empowerment as the poet is finally able to stand up to her “ex-partner”, while saying the final words “we’re through”. The overall theme of the poem love, and shows how sometimes love from certain people is not healthy. It is about the ability to stand up to someone who is mentally harmful to you.
I chose this poem because it resonated with me in reference to my past relationship. There was a lot of control in the relationship coming from him towards me. There were certain things I could and could not do, and since it was my first relationship, I didn’t know otherwise. After getting out of the relationship, I realized how damaging and harmful it was and noticed all the “red flags” I should have seen along the way. He always believes his thoughts and doings are correct and tries to play mind games, while inhibiting an inclination towards narcissism. As time went on after the relationship, I learned to stand up for myself and not let him control me or my mind anymore. I have fortunately and unfortunately developed a thicker skin and now express my thoughts and feelings to others, whether they like it or not.
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